Dare to mention the word ‘threesome’ in front of a lesbian and be prepared to face shock and outrage. Many lesbians abhor the idea. Many equate the concept with dreadful (i.e. usually straight) porn movies, or something an ex-boyfriend once mentioned thinking it would spice up their love life. Little did he know, bless him.
It’s a contentious subject. I’ve had many discussions over the years with various friends and acquaintances that have been highly illuminating. The first thing that everyone seems to focus on is the problem of jealousy, especially if we’re talking about a couple already in a relationship bringing a third women into their bedroom. “I like the idea of three in a bed, but I think I’d struggle to see my girlfriend going down on another woman”, or, “There’s no way I could let anyone else touch me in front of my wife. I’d never relax wondering if she was okay about it.” Fair enough, it’s not for everyone.
The other main issue women have with it is that, somehow, saying you’d want to experience a third woman in the bed equates to you saying that there’s a problem with your sex life as it is. That there’s something ‘missing’. That may be true in some instances, but I think if both women in the couple are open to discussing sex freely and without judgment, they could find that it’s something that appeals to them both, and add a whole new dimension to the way they enjoy each other. There could also be a specific reason why a third woman could compliment their existing relationship – for example, if the couple has a very established top/bottom dynamic and one (or both) wants to occasionally play with the other role.
I personally believe if all parties are entering into the arrangement in full agreement about what they expect from it, it can be an incredibly sexy experience. I freely admit I’ve had a threesome – me, my girlfriend at the time, and my best friend. But it was poorly planned and took place after one too many drinks. Whilst what happened during events was rather lovely, the morning after was awkward, to say the least, and the aftermath rumbled on for some time afterwards as the ramifications were far-reaching. Did it put me off the idea? For a while, yes. Any bad experience at something would. Like a lot of things, though, as time passes and our lives, needs, and desires change, so does our outlook on life’s experiences. Now I can also freely admit that the idea of being involved in a threesome again is exciting. Thirty fingers. Six hands. Six breasts. Three tongues. Three clits. And a partridge in a pear tree.
Of course, a third woman coming into an existing relationship doesn’t even have to mean three-in-a-bed. Each partner in the established couple could sleep with the other woman at different times, for whatever reason. This could well fit into the top/bottom scenario I mentioned above. And a threesome doesn’t have to involve anyone who’s in a relationship; three friends could make an interesting night of things…
Adding a third woman into the mix also doesn’t have to stop at one night. Longer-term arrangements can be made, for a multitude of reasons. I’m not necessarily talking about polyamory here, as that is usually something entirely different. I have, however, known of women in a relationship who have brought a third woman into the equation for a few months at a time, a scenario that suited all three parties perfectly well for the time it lasted.
Is three the magic number? Somehow, for me it is. Four or five seems like it would get complicated. And messy. Although, having said that, if anyone has seen the Netflix series ‘Sense8’ and the infamous orgy scene, I wonder if, like me, you can totally imagine an all-female version of that… Hm, is it me or did it just get hot in here?
At the end of the day, sex can be something amazing that consenting adult women frequently share in a delicious plethora of ways. I believe bringing another woman into the mix is simply another element of that and if it works for the women involved, then why not?