The warm and sunny days of June have arrived here in Germany, and you know what that means: it’s Pride Month! For those who might be new to the celebration, Pride is so much more than just colorful parades and catchy anthems (though those are pretty awesome too!). It’s a time to celebrate the vibrant existence of the LGBTQIA+ community. And a time to honor the hard-fought battles for equality. We remember those who paved the way for us to live more openly today. And at the heart of Pride, often beating loud and strong, is the act of coming out.
Beyond the “Big Reveal”: Understanding the Many Layers of Coming Out
Now, when we talk about coming out, the image that often pops into our heads is that one big, dramatic moment. I’m sure you know what I mean: the heart-pounding conversation with your family, the nervous announcement to your friends, or maybe even a carefully crafted social media post. Those moments are, without a doubt, important and deserve all the respect and validation in the world.
The Everyday Acts of Coming Out as a Queer Person
But coming out isn’t a one-and-done thing. Think about it. Maybe you came out to your closest friends when you were younger. Then, years later, you navigate the slightly different dynamic of telling new colleagues in a professional setting. Perhaps you casually mention your partner to a new neighbor here in your Kiez (neighborhood). All of that feels like a mini coming out in itself. Each time, it’s a step towards living more authentically, a little piece of the puzzle clicking into place.
Reflections on Coming Out as a Lesbian in Germany
However, let me tell you two things I learned over these past years: coming out isn’t a one-time event. And it’s totally up to you if and when you come out. Or not. Nobody else should make this decision for you.
My coming out journey has been a patchwork quilt of experiences that spans decades. I’m now 56 years old and have lived most of my life in Germany. I had my big coming out in my twenties. Here is how my journey went: There was the quiet realization in my younger years when I was around seventeen or so. Then I was in a Christian cult and hoped to pray away the gay (didn’t work), followed by me leaving said cult. Next, the tentative conversations with friends and the more assertive introductions of my now wife to family and colleagues over the years.
And just a few weeks ago, after over 40 years of no contact, I came out to my 80-year-old aunt. Funnily enough, there are still a lot of small coming-outs. For example, every time I have to explain to people just what kind of books Ylva Publishing publishes.
Each one of those coming-outs carried its own weight, its own set of anxieties and joys. Is colored by the social and political landscape of the time here in Germany. Some coming-outs were met with open arms and Willkommen (welcome), which felt good and should really be the norm. Others were… less so. I cut contact with my parents a few years ago. I no longer had the energy to fight with them to accept who I am and to accept my wife. And that’s okay too. My wife’s mother welcomes us with open arms.
Your Coming Out, Your Pace: Embracing the Personal Journey
Your coming-out is deeply personal, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. And no one can force you to come out. There’s no timeline you should be following, no script you have to read. Your journey is yours alone. And it unfolds at its own pace. It’s about finding the moments where you feel safe enough, ready enough, to share a piece of your truth with the world. In addition, sometimes, that world is just one person – even someone from your past.
Challenges and Triumphs
The whole thing can be exhausting, I won’t lie. Even now, after all these years, there are still moments where I have to assess a situation and decide who to trust with this deeply personal information. I then have to brace myself for potential reactions. It’s so great to see the progress that’s been made for queer people in Germany, but there are still some challenges that arise. There are times when I wish I could just exist without needing to explain myself. Where my love and my identity are simply a given, just like everyone else’s.
But then I remember why it matters. For me, coming out was an act of courage. It’s about refusing to hide, about claiming my space in a world that sometimes tries to erase me. It’s about connecting with others who understand, who see me for who I truly am. And in those connections, in that shared visibility, lies incredible power. I’ve seen the community here in Germany grow and become more visible over the years, and that fills me with hope. Even though being out has become more difficult in certain circles as well.
Pride Month: A Celebration of Visibility and Resilience
Pride Month serves as a powerful reminder of this. It’s a collective coming-out, a vibrant declaration that we are here, we are queer, and we are not going anywhere. It’s a time to celebrate the progress we’ve made – the legal recognitions, the growing acceptance – to acknowledge the challenges that still lie ahead, and to uplift the voices of those who are still finding their way. And let’s be honest – all of us are constantly trying to find our way in this weird thing called life.
Finding Strength and Community in the Queer Experience
So, if you’re reading this, and you’re somewhere on your own coming out journey, please know this: you are not alone. There’s a whole community out here, both here in Germany and globally, ready to embrace you and to cheer you on every step of the way. Whether your coming out is a quiet whisper or a joyful shout, whether it’s to a new friend or a long-lost relative, it is valid, it is important, and it is yours.
And to my fellow queer folks who have navigated countless coming-out moments across generations and across the world: Danke schön (thank you). Thank you for your bravery, your resilience, and your unwavering spirit. Let’s use this Pride Month to celebrate ourselves in all our beautiful complexity. Let’s continue to create spaces, here in Germany and beyond, where coming out feels a little less daunting and a little more joyful. Let’s keep showing the world that love is love, in all its wonderful forms.
The ongoing journey of coming out might be a marathon, not a sprint. But with each step, we build a stronger, more inclusive world for ourselves and for those who will come after us. And that, my friends, is something truly worth celebrating. Happy Pride!
If you’re looking for books with the coming out trope, we have you covered: Follow this link.
Astrid Ohletz is the founder and CEO of Ylva Publishing. Being able to publish books where subtext is maintext is a dream come true for her.
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